Thursday, December 01, 2011

The winds of change...

Is it winter, or is it summer? It’s hard to say by just looking outside. The nights are long but the days are sunny and warm. And then, there’s the wind…. Rattling windows, blowing leafs and whistling through windows.

That’s generally how I feel just before something interesting is about to happen. First I get a little confused and discontent as to what am I really doing, why and how long have I been doing it and am going to be doing it. Then I find my meditations getting longer and my mind shuts out the world of activity and goes into contemplation mode which kind of feels like dreaming, thinking, sleeping and meditating all at the same time. Then I start smelling the winds of change and shortly after I get blown away in some amazing direction and I am off to a new adventure!

It’s easy for me. I am sort of a romantic adventurer with passion for learning and discovering, so when I hear that wind hauling, I am off, full sail and a smile on my face. I don’t even mind the high seas or the occasional thunder storm that inevitably appear. I believe that every good adventure is worth all of its thunder storms and even the occasional getting lost. It’s who I emerge at the end that makes all the difference.
Yet, not everyone welcomes the winds of change with equal enthusiasm. Folks batten down the hatches. Close the blinds and turn on the TV louder so they don’t have to hear the whispers through the window cracks of consciousness.

There’s something comforting in knowing where you are, what you are doing and thinking that you have control over every aspect of your life. The need for certainty rules all other needs. So, we seek shelter, food, friendships, things that make us feel stable on our two feet and secure in the future.

Krishnamurti finds this need for perpetuity at the root of all human drama and struggle because, as he said, the self that seeks it is the ego and the ego is nothing but a story, told and retold, over and over again. You can’t make a story “feel” happy. It’s a story. And it is a story that does not exist outside of your own head.
As Wei Wu Wei put it:

Why are you so unhappy?
Because 99.9% of everything you think,
And everything you do,
Is for your self,
And there isn’t one.

So, what story are you listening to when you are all alone in your own head? Do you like it? My point is that if you are going to be telling yourself stories, you should at least pick one that you like. It beats the alternative. However, be aware that it is still a story. Swami Chetanananda ones told me “The difference is that I can hear my own bullshit.” And that made all the difference for me at the time.

How amazing that we can invest so much energy and effort, sacrifice so much for a story!

What would it be like if you choose to be storyless? I can imagine something like this…
Hi, what’s your name?
Everyone calls me Valentina, or Val, or Tina…

Or something like this…

Who are you?
Which “you” are you talking to?

Or like this….

So, tell me something about yourself?

So, you kind of need a story if you are going to enjoy a conversation here and there. Just as long as you don’t put all your chips on it and try to defend it, perpetuate it and uphold as if it is true, and at any cost. Let the story change with the times and the requirements of your creativity. Feel comfortable with that change and enjoy the results.

The stronger the identification with your story, the more painful the inevitable transformations. You can’t stop the winds of change. You can shut yourself in for periods of time and pretend you don’t hear what’s coming, but you can’t avoid it forever. While you are trying to avoid it, you are suffering, struggling and unhappy. Eventually, the storm that’s brewing out there smashes your shelter to pieces and you have no choice but to stand out there, your illusions blown to pieces in all directions, and kneel on the grown with gratitude that you are still alive.

I know. I’ve been there.

Now, I hear the winds of change, step outside of the shelter of my story and let them carry me away to where I should be.

Ah…so much easier. So much more fun. So much more to learn. 

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